June 4th

Wow, it's been ages since I've had time to write. That seems to be the starter for all my posts. Sorry... The big problem is that I don't know where to begin once I am able to get back to the BLOG. OK, just went back and read the last post. It's been so long that it's already time for another haircut. Aw jeez. I have to share some entries from my "JVB Hard Sayings Log". The HSL for those that don't know it simply a diary of funny things that people say. Around here, considering the people in my office, that could be just about anything on any topic, clean or otherwise. I work with one Army captain, one Airforce captain, one civilian and one enlisted. With me added, that's actually three women in the office. I'm here to tell you that women can often times be worse than men. The stress is pretty much always high in our office. Out mission statement is to basically plan and support Distiguished Visitors who come and go from Kuwait. The visitors take the "DV" portion to heart while we in the office hear "1-star general" and yawn as if to say, "He's only a one star? Wake me when he makes his third." In any case, the job of transporting, planning itineraries and making flight arrangements for DV's can be very stressful especially considering we are mixing both civilian and military bureaucracies. That and the basic human stupidity you find rampant in any very large organization. Thank God for the little pockets of both sanity and intelligence that are hding out here. And we blow off steam in weird ways. The other day, one of my buddies needed some paperwork from me that usually comes out in color. I scanned it for him but unfortunately, the scanner is black and white. He was unhappy with this so I scanned some crayons and emailed that. He found this solution acceptable :). Why I have crayons on my desk is a completely different story... I will say it's interesting that you can actually buy crayons in the PX here. What on earth would anyone here need crayons for in the first place? Wait, don't answer that... From the HSL: My airforce captain has a stuffed pink monkey with velcro on the hands such that it hangs by its arms from her computer monitor. If you're not really paying attention, you may not notice this right off so if...for example...one day said Airforce captain is having computer problems and is getting so frustrated that she blurts out, "I'm going to beat you with my pink monkey!!!" it makes you stop what you're doing and question the meaning and sanity of life right then and there. I may never be the same again. This the day after one of the Aussies said it would be a bad thing to "mount a gutter". I'll leave that to your imagination but it's actually harmless - only sounds bad especially coming from an Aussie. Just as an update, I will say that I'm settling in finally and don't have to ask my captains for answers ever time I answer the phone. Well almost. It is official by the way: I've become "that Commander". The O5 officer that doesn't have a clue and is never paying attention so that they are constantly having to be carried by the staff. If you've ever seen Monsters Vs. Aliens, you're familiar with the character Insectosaurus. This is the giant insect that they control using shiny lights. This is me. Every time I try to actually inject myself, they will shine something shiny my way and totally distract me so that we have conversations like start like this: "Yes, ma'am, I told you that yesterday. Remember you said we could do that?" They could tell me anything and I wouldn't know any better. They end like this: "Yes, ma'am, you told us yesterday we could take the command vehicle, go downtown to a bar and stay out until 2 am and you would cover for us. Don't you remember"..."I said that?"...."Um...yes ma'am."....."Um....ok? When are we leaving?"...."Um...ma'am, you aren't invited."...."Um....ok. Have fun?" Oooohhh....shiiiiiny lights....