Another Birthday...#39

When I first started writing this, it was a reflection of the things in my life so far that I would never want to ever relive. But in the process, I discovered that the things I would want to relive, those dailys moments, the little things in life that make it not only bearable to wonderful to live, are so much more worth writing about. They're at the end... As I approach my 39th birthday coming up on Thursday, I was pondering the other day on the first half of my life. It may not BE the first half - could be more, could be less - but supposing it is, so far, it's been an interesting ride - not all fun but definitely some highlights. The one thing that always stands out the most is why in the hell do the lessons have to be that hard. I learned another one today by the way. You can never bring enough phone numbers with you while you're out on a mission. Anyhoo... Some people seem to waste significant time wondering, if they could do it all over again, would they? And which parts? All of it? I really don't. In fact, I try to think of the past as little as possible except to remember the important things like how did I screw up being a friend before so I don't screw that up again. Or bring lots of phone numbers with you to work. Those are good things to remember. So, my answer to the question of re-doing parts of the past is fat f*@kin' chance. Part of the grace of childhood is that you really don't understand a lot of things until you're much older thus relieving you of the necessity to feel shame at your circumstance. Take for example one of the experiences from grade school. I went to a Catholic school and was part of a gifted program where I was bussed to the local public school to participate. It was every Wednesday (yes, I still remember this along with the fact that we took bus #4 to school everyday when we weren't walking - why is my brain still holding on to this when I have a serious need to use these brain cells for more pertinent and current information!!) So every Wednesday, I bussed across town to the other school. Incidentally enough, Wednesday was my regular school's church day (once a week apparently isn't enough). Can't remember if it was a requirement or not but I wore the one skirt I had every Wednesday for church. Are you doing the math on this? Yeah, there are a group of people out there for an entire year who saw me in the same exact outfit for an entire year straight. Can you say, "low rent"? I didn't realize this until a few years ago and when I did, it explained a lot about how high school went for me. Nope. Don't want to relive that. And high school. No sports records, no glory days. Just enough to get me launched into what we be the better part. Segue...wouldn't do the Naval Academy over again either. There were definitely some interesting experiences however. When I was a small kid, I was mowing my parents lawn and (don't ask) ended up chipping one of my front teeth. It was poorly patched and when I made it to school, the dentist took one look at me and asked if I was some kind of hillbilly and didn't they have dentists where I came from? No, I don't make this up. He said this to me. Knowing what I know now, I would have responded in kind but at the time, I was so shocked, I couldn't say anything. Thank God for good room mates to make that place bearable. Four years of being the hillbilly surrounded by people that were superstars where ever they came from. Cool. Wouldn't do that over again. Wouldn't change it, mind you. Just don't want to re-experience it again. If I did have to choose something to do over again, it would be my first fleet tour in VF-32. How can one person make so many mistakes on one short period of life? I guess one could say that I made it out unscathed to move on to bigger and better things but this small section, this 7.7% of my life has pretty much determined the rest since then. (Yeah, this is true of every decision - but in this case, think screeching breaks, massive U-turns and the proverbial excessive speed on the highway). Details aren't necessary but suffice to say that this is where I developed my propensity to work out way too mcuh (power lifting at the time), this was the spring board from which the rest of my career was launched (or thwarted depending on how I look at it) and where I got to know my current husband. It would take another 9 years for life to come to fruition. This is the main place in life that gets me thinking why do lessons have to be so hard to learn? When I look at my life on paper and speak to people about what I've done, it really sounds exciting, sounds almost unreal. Fist woman to be an F14....blah, blah, blaaaahhh. In reality the retrospect or the telling is always more interesting as one tends to not remember the pain invovled while it was actually happening. Not to say that I didn't enjoy it along the way, but not in the way that people think. Of my 39 years, here are some of the things that I remember. Not specific stories, but as one person put it - vignettes, sensations, feelings.

-The smell of "liberty". That smell of shwarma stands, scooter exhaust mixed with the industrial smells of a marine pier. Nothing beats that. It's the smell of freedom.

-Flying cross country from east to west when there was a break in the comm - quiet with that endless crystal clear sky as far as you can see, watching the Appalachians give way to the Kansas plains which give way to the Rockies, Grand Canyon and eventually the beautiful deserts of Arizona before hitting the endless Pacific Ocean. -Flying a PMCF out of NAS key West. Mom and Dad gave you the keys and you and a buddy get to go out and play in W174 alone and unafraid. Bend the jet, pull some g's, wake up the body, all while viewing some of the most gorgeous blue water you've ever seen. -Puerto Rico. Spent a month there in 2002. The smell of the rainforest has stuck with me ever since. Every once in a while, I would smell it in Hawaii mixed with that same salt smell and it always reminds me of the jungle in Roosey Roads. When I was there, the base was in the process of closing down so it was almost like a ghost town. I would run on the outskirts and see maybe one or two cars. I loved the feel of isolation. Our rooms were next to a defunt club and it felt like we were in the wild west surrounded by banana and palm trees. On another ocassion, we stayed at this resort and the smell of old wood still takes me back to the Conquistador. -Swimming in Ala Moana at sunset with good friends. The warm water, crystal clear sky and speckled horizon dotted with sail boats. -Sunset on an aircraft carrier. Need I say more? -The moment the ship pulls in from six months of cruise. While I've always like fly-in because you get home sooner, there's nothing like the energy of a ship with 5,000 people pulling in, the call of "liberty call" and the roar (I'm getting goose bumps just writing this) the roar of the crowd when they see that first Sailor walk off the brow. The hand shakes from complete strangers who say thank you even though I'm an officer as I walk through the crowd towards home. -The moment I found out that I was selected to do Kona. Again, need I say more? -I remember everytime I go to Livonia to see my family and the welcome that I receive. There's nothing like a good welcome. Like Ted's email signature says as quoted by some Kona Triathlete, "There's nothing lonlier than a finishline without friends." At this finish line, I always have friends. -Being on a beach in Kailua at sunrise (with no preacher) but surrounded by our best friends as Keo and I tie the knot...twice. -Riding over the H3 on a crystal clear blue-sky day on my motorcycle smelliing fresh cut grass. -Every time I round the corner (this has never in three years gotten old or unappreciated) by the Waimanalo light house to the vista that is the Waimanalo Bay, Bellows and Kaneohe Bay. Takes my breath away every time and every time, I whipser to myself, "I live HERE!" -Sitting at the green market with my favorite buddy and a sup of espresso. Can't wait to experience that one again (With a dog? With a kid in tow? Both?) There are more but I'm getting close to work time. So for at least the time being, I don't have to relive the bad parts but by some mirabcle of God, the moments that I do want to repeat are ones that I actually get the oportunity to relive over and over again. Not right now since I'm far away but soon. Here's to the hope of my last deployed birthday.

Sandstorm

So there I am out last night on an evening run and I'm thinking, "damn this is gonna be GREAT!! It's only 105 degrees and I'm actually going to get a workout in before 10 o'clock tonight. I'm stylin!" Slam a Lemon Sublime Gu, charge the camel back, put on that ridiculous reflective belt and off ya go now. I started out on my usual run out of the Pods, past the wash racks and a left turn towards the "back 40" of Zone 6. The run takes me down the dirt and gravel road that runs the perimeter of one portion of the base. Good news is that it's desolate and lonely and no one give me shit for wearing sleeveless shirts or tank tops (stupid Army!). Bad news is that it's desolate and lonely and I have to carry aphone not because I'm tied to it for my job (which I am....stupid albatross!) but because if I end up close to morting, I want to be able to call someone to tell them where to find my dead body in the desert. Soooo....left turn past the wash racks and head down the road. It's a nice evening (relatively speaking) with a nice light breeze at my back which is good news because when I turn around and head back, it'll be a nice light breeze in the face to dry some of the sweat. Yes, for those who keep telling me it's a dry heat, go pack sand. It's not a dry heat any more. About 10 minutes (I won't give away the distance for fear that everyone will now know how slow I run...er, jog) down the road, there are flashes behind me which resemble flickers of the lights set up along the perimeter fence. They are generator run and flashes seem a bit odd but what the hell, it's Kuwait....everything's odd. A little further down the road...more flashes. I finally turn around and this is pretty much what I see. Though it's dark, there's still enough cultural lighting that I can pretty much see the hand of God Himself as this cloud of dust just like this is about 200 yards from me at my back. Seriously, if you've never seen something like this, it's bound to scare the livin' shit out of you. I've lived through some interesting weather and flown aircraft through storms that are better left in the past (was in an airplane struck by lightening....now that's interesting) and it didn't quite feel like this. For a half second (the half second that immediately followed the half second where I said, "oh f*@k..."), I said to myself, "oh yeah, this isn't that big a deal, I can keep going." Yeah, ssscreeeeech....freeze gopher! The wind went from about 3-5 knots to about 40-50 knots in the matter of about 10 seconds. Just unreal and no exaggeration. Then it started "mudding". That's the Kuwait version of raining. There's so much crap in the air that when the rain falls, by the time it gets to us on the ground, it's mud. Yeah....ick. Sooooo, there I am about 11 minutes worth of jogging from home which would probably equate to 20 minutes of walking - if I could actually see where to walk in a 50 knot wind getting whipped by sand with no eye protection in the dark. Along with me was a stranded dog (there are quite a few feral dogs out here) and it felt like armageddon. We were roaches looking for cover when the kitchen lights get turned on. Most of the structures out here are designed to withstand the wind (except for the tents which always seem to sustain a bit of damage - then you have to ask yourself, why do we still have tents after being here for so freakin' long? That's another story...) There are periodic shacks along the perimeter fence that collect weather data - they have thermometers and anamometers - small but just large enough to provide cover for one stranded idiot. Too bad I didn't have snickers with me because I wasn't going anywhere for a while. Imagine that worst snow storm. Snow blowing sideways, duning up around buildings and fences. Blowing hard enough to really hurt. Then make it sand and the temperature over 100 degrees. About 15 minutes into my wait, some guy shuffled by and all I could think of was, "sh!t, to add insult to injury, this guy is going to assault me". (Yes, this is how I think. It's tough being paranoid all the time.) Wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake? And I'm here to tell you with all that sand, it would have been really decidedly uncomfortable. So the feral dog went his way, my would-be attacker went his and I waited another 15-20 minutes before I decided it was time to press on. With the wind down to about 30 knots, it was bearable to head back but without eye protection, it ended up being backwards...at a jog. One good thing to come out of all this was the discovery that one does not, in fact, need to ride a bike for four hours to do a good brick. All one has to do is run backwards for about 1/2 mile then turn around and run regular. I guarantee that this will make your legs feel like you have just gotten off a Tantalus ride. Finally I made it back home with sand in every pore of my body. Seriously. I was still digging out sand from my ears tonight, 24 hours later and my eyes are still getting rid of dirt. I looked as if I rolled in sand and not the good kind like you find at Kailua Beach. This is more the kind you find at a beach on Lake Erie or Lake Michigan. That dirty brown sand that sticks like goopy glue. My scalp was finally clean after two washings but no doubt, my shoes will never be rid of the sand that is now entrenched in every stitch. Tonight when it came time for another workout, I was really looking forward to making up that run when I saw more lightening. It turned out to be a great interval ride on the Q-Roo... :)

The title of this post is "I'm not creative enough to come up with a title"

I swear this picture isn't put here to complain. Since this is a chronical of my journey in Kuwait, I would actually be remiss if I didn't include a snapshot of the weather. Rumor has it, it gets worse in July and August. When you're standing outside, in the shade and the fronts of your knees are sweating in 6% humidity, you know it's hot. And cram all that shit about "it's a dry heat". OK, 115 degrees is FREAKIN' HOT NOT MATTER HOW LOW THE HUMIDITY. Just putting that out there for posterity and emphasis. Rumor also has it that when the wind blows from the SE off the Gulf instead of from the NW off the desert, it does in fact get humid here. After my experience in Bahrain in 2003, that's not something I relish.

So, yeah, it's hot. Eventually, however, it all becomes relative. I wake up frequently in the middle of the night and have to walk outside. Last night it dipped into the high 80's and it felt so pleasant. Almost makes you want to head out for a run. This morning, despite the already rising temps, it was a lovely day. In fact, I saw blue sky for the first time in weeks. The sky here is usually a muddy white/light tan color from all the dust in the air. So even if there are no clouds, there is still no blue sky. With luck, I'll actually get baked while swimming at lunch.

Recently, we had to drive north to another base and once you leave the inhabited areas, it's actually rather scenic. It's not Painted Desert scenic but then, again, everything's relative. The inhabited areas come with miles and miles of stucco buildings (many uninhabited because they don't move people in until entire neighborhoods are complete). It's also full of electrical infrastructure (miles and miles and miles of the huge towers that carry wires) not to mention the oil industry. Plus it's the middle east - it's freakin' dirty....everywhere. At night when you drive by the piers and oil refinery facilities, you can see the not-so-distant sky line lined with huge burning beacons. They look like ginormous Olympic torches but are actually the fires that burn off the methane from the oil refineries. At night, it's pretty - they look festive but during the day, it's just plain ugly to see them burning. Leaving this behind for plain open desert dotted with camels and sheep makes the open scene "pretty".

Some interesting tidbits about Kuwait. Their roads are dangerous. We're not talking driving in LA or New York dangerous. I'm talking the "It is God's Will" dangerous. Muslims have an expression, "inshallah". It means basically "If God wills" meaning whatever happens, bad or good, preventable or not, is God's will. Based on what I have been told by some of the locals, they really take this to heart. Seatbelts? Don't need 'em. Kids running loose in the back seat of a vehicle going 160 clicks? No worries. Driving at 200 clicks (125 mph)? What-ehv... So they do whatever they want and if God wants them to live, He'll keep them alive. The car wrecks here are unreal. Talk about crash and burn. I'm waiting for some really good ones to take photos as I whiz by at my slow 90 mph to prove that I don't make this up. Just hope I'm not actually in one.

Some interesting tidbits about the Army. Their insane. No really. They do things that make no earthly sense. While I was amidst some of this insanity last week, I wrote a poem about it. Disclaimer - I'm not a poet. This isn't going to win any prizes... And for the record, I got distracted while writing the end and then couldn't get a good line so if this makes no sense, refer to picture at the end of yesterday's post.

24 May, Exercise Lucky Warrior, Day #1

I've got sand and sun, it's so much fun

It's like we're at the beach

But camels, dust and all that stuff

Put fun just out of reach

It's 50 cee without a cloud

The wretched desert heat

Has sapped my strength, my will to live

I need a quick retreat

I chose this o'er a carrier cruise?

I must be full insane

To think that being on Army time

Would be so much less ass pain

It's bad for me that Army life

Is run my masochists

Troops line up all in a row

Symetric, sick sadists

"Let's make it harder, make it hurt!!"

They all yell as one

"Let's slip and slide on our bare hides

get rashes on our buns!!"

"Kick my balls and smack my face

run sandpaper 'cross my nose!

Smack my fingers with a hammer

Then drop it on my toes!!"

Between the heat and Army nuts

I'm in a living hell,

God rescue me and make it stop

oooo....hey something sparkly....

Aloha, rosie

June 4th

Wow, it's been ages since I've had time to write. That seems to be the starter for all my posts. Sorry... The big problem is that I don't know where to begin once I am able to get back to the BLOG. OK, just went back and read the last post. It's been so long that it's already time for another haircut. Aw jeez. I have to share some entries from my "JVB Hard Sayings Log". The HSL for those that don't know it simply a diary of funny things that people say. Around here, considering the people in my office, that could be just about anything on any topic, clean or otherwise. I work with one Army captain, one Airforce captain, one civilian and one enlisted. With me added, that's actually three women in the office. I'm here to tell you that women can often times be worse than men. The stress is pretty much always high in our office. Out mission statement is to basically plan and support Distiguished Visitors who come and go from Kuwait. The visitors take the "DV" portion to heart while we in the office hear "1-star general" and yawn as if to say, "He's only a one star? Wake me when he makes his third." In any case, the job of transporting, planning itineraries and making flight arrangements for DV's can be very stressful especially considering we are mixing both civilian and military bureaucracies. That and the basic human stupidity you find rampant in any very large organization. Thank God for the little pockets of both sanity and intelligence that are hding out here. And we blow off steam in weird ways. The other day, one of my buddies needed some paperwork from me that usually comes out in color. I scanned it for him but unfortunately, the scanner is black and white. He was unhappy with this so I scanned some crayons and emailed that. He found this solution acceptable :). Why I have crayons on my desk is a completely different story... I will say it's interesting that you can actually buy crayons in the PX here. What on earth would anyone here need crayons for in the first place? Wait, don't answer that... From the HSL: My airforce captain has a stuffed pink monkey with velcro on the hands such that it hangs by its arms from her computer monitor. If you're not really paying attention, you may not notice this right off so if...for example...one day said Airforce captain is having computer problems and is getting so frustrated that she blurts out, "I'm going to beat you with my pink monkey!!!" it makes you stop what you're doing and question the meaning and sanity of life right then and there. I may never be the same again. This the day after one of the Aussies said it would be a bad thing to "mount a gutter". I'll leave that to your imagination but it's actually harmless - only sounds bad especially coming from an Aussie. Just as an update, I will say that I'm settling in finally and don't have to ask my captains for answers ever time I answer the phone. Well almost. It is official by the way: I've become "that Commander". The O5 officer that doesn't have a clue and is never paying attention so that they are constantly having to be carried by the staff. If you've ever seen Monsters Vs. Aliens, you're familiar with the character Insectosaurus. This is the giant insect that they control using shiny lights. This is me. Every time I try to actually inject myself, they will shine something shiny my way and totally distract me so that we have conversations like start like this: "Yes, ma'am, I told you that yesterday. Remember you said we could do that?" They could tell me anything and I wouldn't know any better. They end like this: "Yes, ma'am, you told us yesterday we could take the command vehicle, go downtown to a bar and stay out until 2 am and you would cover for us. Don't you remember"..."I said that?"...."Um...yes ma'am."....."Um....ok? When are we leaving?"...."Um...ma'am, you aren't invited."...."Um....ok. Have fun?" Oooohhh....shiiiiiny lights....