April 20th

It's been quite a while since I've been able to post and for that, I apologize. The internet here is shared amongst about 200 people so between being sleep deprived and fighting the internet connection, it's been tough to get the stuff out on paper so to speak. I think my last post left off with the Battalion Fun Run. I don't know why they call it that except as a huge inside joke. There's absolutely NOTHING fun about the Battalion Fun Run. Ooops, just went back and read that I wrote about that particular Charlye Foxtrot already. Well, it was so bad it deserves more so here it is. The Battalion Fun Run SUCKED!! OK, vent complete. Last Thrusday was by far the toughest day out here but the good part about it was that it was so busy that the day flew by. It was a 0300 wake up. For those in Hawaii, this means I was dragging my sorry ass out of bed while you were all thinking about going to bed. I almost made some phone calls but it was 3 am for me after all. I'm not terribly social at 3 am. Our first evolution of the day was something called "Low Light" fire of the 9mm pistol. The funny thing was that while we were all there on time (because they love to call us dirtbags if we're late), the people running the range were an hour late. The sun comes up early here just FYI (about 0600 these days) so there wasn't much low light left by the second round of shooters. This brings us to "hot eggs". The food in the Army is such that when you have the luxury, and let me assure you I now realize it is in fact a luxury, to have hot food for breakfast, it's what they call hot eggs. It's an entree all it's own. Seriously, whereas one might order the filet mignon at a restaurant, one gets an entree of "hot eggs". This is one thing the Navy does very well (these days - it wasn't always so). We get hot meals almost 24/7. We can get 4 squares a day (which is why so many Navy people are fat). Hot eggs? What the hell is that? I know omelettes, scrambled, hard boiled, over easy, etc., etc. but "hot eggs"? This apparently means runny scrambled and completely tasteless. Here's the state of the union however - they were fekkin' fantastic!! I'm here to tell you when you get up at 0300 and have no food for 5 hours, dirt will taste like a fine steak. Michelle S., if you're reading this, know that the only "organic" food I'm getting these days is the occasional bug that finds its way into my mouth while out on my afternoon run and the dirt that transfers from my hands whilst eating said "hot eggs". Ok, not entirely true, I stopped at a health food store this weekend and scored one ginger kombucha and a loaf of Ezekial. Nectar and mana.... Speaking of food and the state of the union, I'm now a coffee drinker. 38 years I've managed to Heisman regular Cafe Americano. And it's not good either. In fact it tastes like the most horrible stuff I've ever consumed and yet I can't seem to help myself. While out on liberty in Columbia this weekend, I stopped at a Starbucks on Sunday morning and had the most fantastic espresso known to man (better than the usual Starbucks) and it brings me almost to tears to drink the swill they serve in the name of caffeine. So, were still on last Thursday. 0830, our sumptuous meal of "hot eggs" complete, we head over to "Bastogne". For those that are history buffs or fans of "Band of Brothers" Bastogne is named after the famous offensive from France in WWII. This is where Ft. Jackson keeps da big guns. I shot an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/m249.htm), the M240 (yes boys and girls...SEVEN....POINT....SIX....TWO.....FULL....METAL....JACKET!!) http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/land/m240g.htm and the coup d'etat: the .50 cal machine gun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.50_BMG). The .50 cal is like a cannon. As they say in France, tres cool. Here are some pictures from Bastogne... So from Bastonge we headed back to the firing range for some M16 training. All in all, I shot several hundred rounds from 5 different guns. The only thing that would have been better would have been to shoot a Howitzer. We can't have it all I guess. The day finally ended at 1800. It's not often one does a 15 hour day and I certainly don't recommend it but at least it was entertaining. The only problem is that the next day I woke up completely sore from donning and shedding the 70# of gear we are wearing. Last Friday was a cake walk compared to Thursday and we did some preps for Land Navigation and more EST training called Shoot/No Shoot. It's a really neat trainng where they have real video connected to some M16's and set up a scenario where you have to decide whether to shoot or not. Excellent training. Why are they wasting my time with that useless Battalion Fun Run when I should be getting much more of this?? Saturday was really light and involved a short land nav course only. I won't go into it but suffice to say that if you can read a road map, it's laughably easy. In any case, it was a beautiful spring morning in South Carolina and a nice walk through the woods - sans 70# of gear or "slick". Saturday evening, I hitched a ride to the Hilton in downtown Columbia. The town is really small and comprised mostly of residential areas and the university. After a mexican meal that was big enough to choke a donkey, it was off to my room for the rest of the evening. Nothing like room service and pay per view (Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslette. 4 out of 5 stars. Was excellent, great dialogue, great character development but lost that last star because it's such a downer.) Sunday was a relaxing day getting ready for today. Up again at 0415 for the big "march". It's a mile hike in full battle rattle. I'm here to tell ya that it wasn't fun. Like....really. Just not fun. Once we got to our destination, it was good training. We are doing Convoy ops tomorrow so we set up our plan. Next was some IED training (Improvised Explosive Device) on how to recognize and what to do if you see one and finally some real brief training on how to "take a building". This is the deal where you are in 4-man teams, kick in the door and storm a house. Pretty cool but I'm really hoping this never fekkin' happens to me. Tonight is our transportation brief where they tell us when we leave the country. Rumor is Saturday but we'll know for sure in a few hours. Whew! I now have carpal tunnel in addition to a sore back and a bad attitude! For the record, I thought I might state for the record that yes, I have kept up the training. PFTHT!! The Army can't keep me down entirely. Since I had no goals, I made one up and decided that I would run 50 miles a week for the last two weeks. Success. In the last 15 days, 118 miles were covered not to mention a few elliptical and weight routines. Grrr... A final word of advice: don't run angry. But if you do, come prepared with more than one pair of shoes. Aloha.